Revelation of you

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I'm starting to let cynical logic take over me. I perceive people and their words differently, not the same as before.

This is bad. Its turning me into a cold and calculative being.

This is good though. I see right through now... right through.

bye blog

Genuinity

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Spent the whole day out with my good friend on monday. When to beach road to buy army related stuff. I thought $20 was enough, ended up the uncle pushed us so much goods that I spent all my $50 on it lol.

We're suppose to meet up with more people for a "enlistment + birthday" dinner for my friend, but oh well, they have more important things to do. Ended up with a dinner for 2, agony. But we enjoyed the dinner, talked a lot. I was expecting us to run out of things to say and leave in an hour or so, but ended up to be a long dinner. I guess we're just spending as much time as possible before he enlist. My turn's coming soon! :(

On another topic.

I've been sleeping very late recently (its 5am right now). I've totally lost the drive to do anything meaningful. Stopped running, stopped exercising frequently, stopped helping out in certain matters, and stopping to do anything good for people. I'm tired of my efforts being throw and spitted down into the drain. I genuinely and sincerely try to do my best in organising things. I try hard to make things work but theres always a kink here or there. Sometimes, a part of me tells me that its a waste of time, but I try again and again. Now I'm just tired, gave up.

Screw it

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Yea yea yea, I know. I've been lost for a while.

Anyway, screw it I can't pass my 2.4km. I'm going to PTP.

"Can't pass NAPFA test
Two more weeks till PTP
Tekong awaits me"

NS Pre-enlistee Haiku.

Update next time, if I don't lose myself again...

bye blog

Be still

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Most of my friends enlisted last week. Even more reasons to train harder and pass Napfa. Procrastination is a bitch -_-.

Its surprising how someone you know changes their view/opinion/behaviors so quickly. It is as if you've not known that person before. Hmm, are they the ones changing? Or am I the one not changing?

bye blog

First Movement

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Lately, I've rekindled my interest in Classical music. Been listening to some piano and orchestra symphony pieces. Played a few guitar-translated versions and it was very fun :).

I'm enlisting on 8 Sept 2011. I should really pass my napfa.

I think its time to do something for myself instead of worrying about others' lives. Gonna focus and be motivated in what I do. Time for isolation. No more time wasting.

bye blog

Phone entry

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Typing this post down using my phone. Badass Android phone, on ebuddy, music playing "Only Love" by Trademark and... on Facebook. Epic multitasker. Dont have to spend a bomb on an iPhone and still get quality user experience!

Anyway, Im still alive... or just breathing. Been lazying around the house ever since the end of my secondary school friends chalet. 2 weeks already? Damn time is passing so fast and quietly, you'll think time is like a ninja.

Watched a bunch of movies at home. Inception, The Mechanic, and Letters from Iwo Jima. I loved Letters from Iwo Jima. I cant stop getting teary eyes when I watch war movies. The emotions of the soldiers, the helplessness of the soldiers, wondering if they will ever have the chance to see their family members again... is too much for me to bear. I respect every soldier who had fought honourably for their country, be it if they were of the Axis or the Allied forces during World War 2.

Hah, why the hell am I talking about this. Not many people from my generation gives a shit about history and war. Our ancestors sacrificed themselves so that we dont have to. Sometimes I think I should go and experience some real life shit...

Haha wtf. Phone entry ended up being a long chunk of meaningless shit.

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Back!

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Back from 3D2N of Genting. Awesome trip. Good climate, great fun, great company :). Anyway I'll blog about that in the next few post. Not really in the mood or have the time to do it.

Had a few intelligent conversations with a few friends over MSN just now, feels refreshed. Hardly have such conversation anymore.

Gradnight's tomorrow, not going. Feels weird. Dont know why.

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Triple Misses

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They say that if you missed something once it is ok.
Twice? It might be just bad luck.
Thrice? You suck.

So apparently I missed 3 epic face-melting performances on February.

1. Eric Clapton
2. Iron Maiden
3. Eagles

Totally regretted not going to Eagles' Concert. Feels like slapping myself for missing it. Ok I'm making a promise here, if Eagles would come back again... I'll definitely go this time!!!

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Are we there yet?

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Busy since the start of IAP. Traveling for 2 hours everyday to and fro from work is taking a toll on my health. Feels like a robot every morning. In fact, after working 12 days straight (OT on sat & sun) I'm having time lapse. I lost my sense of time/days for a while. Wake up thinking its still Friday when its Sunday. Ugh.

Undeniable Fact: Foreigners (take a guess) are going to take over the workforce soon.

Supporting Fact for the "Undeniable Fact": I board the bus with Chinese Nationals back to Harbourfront. Bus stops at PSA and loaded a bunch of Indian Nationals. Shared the MRT with a mixture of Chinese & indian nationals. I was sitting down, I closed my eyes and rested for a few MRT stops. I opened my eyes and I saw the whole carriage was filled with foreigners. I was the ONLY Singaporean... I'm scared... :'(

I'm going to enlist next year. So I thought... Who am I defending? :(

So yes, Christmas. I don't really like going out on Christmas, but I did anyway :/. I prefer throwing my body onto a bed, lie down and recollect my memories of the year that would be ending very soon. We're growing to be too busy to do such things anymore.

Work makes me feel old. A slave for money.

bye blog

emoboy91@yahoo.com.sg

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First day of attachment was nothing good. Although I only spent my time there from 9.30am to 12.30pm, I'm already demoralised. Like a little sheep, disorientation and lost in the sea of translation. I can't understand most of what they say.

Yes, they all speak Mandarin (I speak Manglish: Mandarin+English). Sat in a meeting and I couldn't catch anything. Computer language + Mandarin = A very Confused Wei Kang. Nonetheless, I hope I can cope with all this xenophobia going on inside me. I worry about if I can reply to what they say properly. I tend to say stupid things sometimes when I'm not familiar with the person.

I don't think I can communicate well with them... Don't know whats gonna happen tomorrow during lunchtime :/.

Anyway, the highlight for today was not work but my CMPB checkup with my FRIENDS. DUDE IT WAS SUCH A RELIEF TO SEE MY FRIENDS. Finally the sheep was back with the herd. So elated to see them, really. Wow, I can't believe I miss my friends so quickly... :(. Working sucks.

Ok anyway, back to CMPB. Tests went well, PES A I hope. Very surprised at the Blood testing phase. The medic was talking to me a lot, joked (but not easy jokes, quite scary).

Medic - "Hey you know i dont like meridian JC people"
Me - "Okay..."
Medic - "Where you from? Meridian JC?" (holding up needle)
Me - "Nooo... thats not a very good question"
Medic - "Ya good, MJ people are ******"
Me - "Okay, thats not very encouraging... I'm from NYP."

LOL. Then I was staring at the needle while it went into my skin. It was quite a sharp pain, but painful enough to make me jump. But I flinched because it was quite disgusting, so very weird. I was making an "Ughhhh" sound when the blood came out. Medic asked "Got so pain meh", and I replied "No la, damn weird sia... like weird...".

Then JAP BUFFET @ 313. Omg the Shabu Shabu was GREAT. Dude. Great good, great place, great FRIENDS = AWESOME! We feasted, joked, laughed a hell lot. Friends are really important man...

3 Hours of work made me miss my friends so much. So much. I miss everyone now. Guess I shall stop here, if not I'll start to sound like a little girl.

bye blog

Destroying your evil

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Karma

I've always tried my best to help anybody who come to me for help. If I know I can't help them, I'll redirect them to someone else with more expertise or give them a few ideas. I know not everyone of these people that I've help will reciprocate with the same amount of charity. A lot of them have let me down, used me and cheated my efforts. When some of my friends get to know of it, they will ask me "Why bother helping them when you're not sure if they will help you in return?".

But why don't we help people? Why do we fear that our efforts might not be properly appreciated? Are we really that calculative?

Yes, good & bad people. Some will say things like: "Don't be too helpful to people, later get used ah". This statement seems to be very true in modern life(work/school). Why bother helping people that might not return a favour? Thus we are reject anybody who approach us for help. The results? A cold & heartless society.

But remember the good will always outlast the bad.

bye blog

Halloweak

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Things that shows that you are missing out on something, fact:

1. Its halloween and you're being a homeboy
2. Playing your guitar alone, in the night
3. No one's online on MSN (those that you talk to)
4. Oh yes, FINALLY NO FACEBOOK STATUS SPAM.
5. NO "11:11 ^^" FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES. WOO.

Aww. Not a fan of halloween anyway. Back to "How I Met Your Mother".

bye blog

Death by Decimation

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Zero point freaking four.

A pretty shocking revelation (Zero point freaking four) was revealed to me a few days ago. I roughly know why I'm not in "it" anymore. Zero point freaking four. Although I thought (and still think) that (Zero point freaking four) its totally B.S, I've got to accept my fate, Zero point freaking four. (Okay, let the man grief for a while)

I built a sandcastle on a hypothetical plot of a beach. Just as I'm about to complete my super awesome sandcastle, a big wind come blowing by which in turn brought massive waves to the shores. Destroying my (super awesome and potentially destiny-changing) sandcastle in the process. I don't know where that bigass wind comes from, but it sure did bring waves which destroyed my (potentially destiny-changing) sandcastle.

So what do you do if your (destiny-changing) sandcastles are destroyed? You build them again... (which is not fun at all)

I know I'm not (appearing to) making sense here. Maybe I'm not using good metaphors (sandcastles), but people who knows what I'm feeling and what I've been through will know what I'm trying to relate to (really?).

But still, I think that bigass wind is total B.S. Just like the results. Zero point freaking four.

Screw it, stop grieving dude....... no.

bye blog

denied

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Received a call from my teacher while on the bus to school this morning. Bad news, didn't get into the finals. Disappointed. Instant decimation of my high spirits.

L- "Disappointed ma? Hai ok ba?"
WK- "Hah. Dang ran you yi dian disappointed la... wo hai hao.." "Ok, I'll tell them about it..."

Instantly, I became the herald of good&bad news to certain people. Some concerned individuals started to sms me about my & their results. Said what I needed to say to some, explained what I had to explain.

Honestly, I'm pretty shocked at the outcome. I spent a good amount of time recalling about what I've done... I don't know where did I went wrong! I hope I'll get an explanation even though the outcome will not change (at least it will give me a peace of mind).

On the bright side, I'm relinquished of all wss trainings and back to "normal" life. At first I thought: "hey, more free time, song boh." But my dreams of having more free time were smashed when I realised that FYP was coming my way -_-". Tasked to do something that I've no idea what its about, guess its FYP afterall.

I'm still pretty lost right now (partly due to the fact that I've been laid off, Lulz). I need a plan.

OH FALLOUT NEW VEGAS WILL BE OUT TOMORROW. YEAH SOMETHING TO LOOK FOR TO DROWN MYSELF IN :D.

bye blog

15Oct

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I'm back to school, just like a FYP student. However, I'm training for my finals even though I don't even know if I'll be in the finals or not. My lecturers say that the Finals will be totally different from what we did last time. More cables, more items, more equipments, more stress!

Results will be out on 15 Oct. I'm confident, but not fully haha.

Rant:

The rich say that money is not important.
The bright say that grades are not important.

The poor may not say that money is important, but they need it.
The not-so-bright may not say that grades are important, but they want it.

Natural?

bye blog

Need more happy paper

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Was Facebooking and hopped from random profile to random profile. Saw this guy's facebook page who appears to be a guitarist. Viewed his photo albums on his guitars... Holy shit good stuff. MIA Yngwie Malmsteem Fender Strat, Jackson blah blah. I thought: "Woah, this guy must have some mad-skills man!". Click on one of his videos, utterly disappointed.

Using a Yngiw Malmsteem Fender to play some Indie music. Wth. I was expecting at least a song with a more decent riff. Ah well, some people can have inadequate skills but buy expensive guitars to compensate. Ugh, envious :<. Looking at starters/noob players practising on expensive guitars makes me wanna cry :'(. I need to upgrade man...

Bro's talking about getting a drumset. Acoustic drumset would sound/feel better, but then we'll need to soundproof the room. Electronic drumset allows silent practice, but the price is STEEP man. I want a big bag of cash right now...

bye blog

World Cup Fever?

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World Cup ended with Spain as the champions. Ugh.

WC wrecked my health with a slight flu first, then a recurring fever and then now with a very bad cough. *Weees* Managed to finish my CS presentation last Friday.

Not going for PE again. Injured knee's still injured. Sick me's still sick. I need a 仙丹。 Damn

Cough myself to sleep.

bye blog

Going for gold

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I went for a run today. Sadly, I didn't bring along a watch to record my time but I feel I'm "fast" enough.

It takes discipline to train for stamina, in this case, 2.4Km. You got to consider the time of lunch, the amount of food & water you take before the run. You still have to dispel the self-discouragement (lazyness) while planning to run!

I don't get why most people say pull-ups' the most difficult to train for. All you got to do is keep "trying"! *WOH, Neighbour's knocking again... chua sai*. Anyway, its either you are too heavy (fat) or you are too weak. I was bad at pull-ups (ZERO... 0!) before I enter poly. Took some initiative, exercise, toughen up and ta-da manage to "pass" after just 5 months. Now, I can reach 10 or more.

Bronze-d for NAPFA. Could have gotten a Silver if I ran a little faster. Could have gotten a Gold if I ran faster & jumped further. So close but yet so far. Gonna make sure I get at least a Silver or a Gold on the next test :D.

Not physically blessed, thats why I'm working hard to achieve my target (and for the bragging rights :P).

ps (self-motivation): I can sense that they did not expect me to be able to do a single pull. But I did 10. EAT THAT!

Time to sleep, Wss tomorrow.

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Mindless

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"I wish God didn't create me with such competitive behavior. It sucks big time. And its hard to keep my mouth shut and be "humble". I wish I can be blur... emo shitzxzxz"

- An edited quote of a Facebook status update by a friend. Edited to allow anonymity. However, I assure you that the meaning is the same.

Dude! If you think you are talking way too much or you are a big bragger, don't blame it on "something". You are the fault, no one else is! Its like saying "I behave like a dickhead because God made me one. I can dick around all I want!".

I seriously hope those people that believe that they are created by a "higher" being doesn't thinks like this. Because by having such beliefs, he/she will think its perfectly alright to shift the blames of his/her personality flaws to their "creator".

Thinking that one have absolutely no control over his/her fate is an excuse to be lazy and irresponsible.

bye blog

Saturday & Sunday Night Fever!

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Self Diagnosis:

Hot forehead with red eyes, feeling warm, feeling cold -_-. Deterioration of motor skills. Fatigue. Coughing. Nose block.

Verdict:
Fever.

Prescription:
Water, and Sleep.

Fucking ruined my weekends. :(.

bye blog